Just put the fork down…

I know you have heard this before. Maybe someone even said to you “oh honey, its easy to lose weight, just put the fork down, eat less, move more.” Am I right? Those without a weight problem, don’t understand what its like to have a weight problem. If losing weight was as easy as “putting the fork down” don’t you think that we would all be skinny! I know I would!

I truly believe that there are always underlying issues that lead to weight gain, for me, that list is long. My mothers death, my dads second marriage 4 months later, my bi-polar hard to deal with step mother, the brokenness of my family, the longing to fill a void…I could go on and on.  And I choose to eat because it is my escape. While I am eating that candy bar, piece of cake, greasy cheeseburger etc, I am so focused on how good it tastes that I am able to forget all of that pain from my past.  I actually just learned this in therapy…and I found it very interesting.  When my mind is going crazy with stress and anxiety, the simple act of eating crap completely CALMS ME. For just a moment I can relax and forget about whatever is bothering me.

It is a horrible cycle to be caught in.  Think of a never-ending merry-go-round.  Wanting to lose weight but life is stressful. Stressed out so grab some crap to eat. Then wonder why you aren’t losing weight. Stress yourself out some more because you aren’t losing weight, so you eat more crap. Anyone else on this ride with me?

I am so tired of being told to put the fork down, to eat less, to move more! It is not that simple. I ran to the grocery store to pick up some vegetables for this week along with a few other items. I passed many other shoppers with baskets full of all the things I want to eat..chips, ice cream, cookies, etc. And again I felt so angry. Why is this my struggle? Why do I have to obsess about every thing I eat? Why cant I just be “normal”. I had to remind myself what we have talked about in therapy.  That its a privilege to take care of your body. I should feel proud for having my basket full of healthy foods. I admit it, I am just not there yet and I am not sure how long its going to take.

But I do know this…never ever tell an overweight person to just eat less. You have no idea how hard the struggle really is until you have walked in our shoes. I am trying everything I can right now to change and some days I feel on top of the world, but reality is that most days I cant see that light at the end of the tunnel.  But I am not stopping. I have come too far to give up.