What comes to your mind when you hear those two words..”voluntary enslavement”? My therapist asked me that very question last week. My response was that I am enslaved to this dieting world by my own choosing. But I viewed it as a bad thing and he told me it was a good thing. He drew a box on the dry erase board and put me inside of it. That box is where I have voluntarily enslaved myself. That is the box I put myself in when I decided to hire a trainer and decided to start seeing a therapist. I chose to start making changes in my life….and I have become enslaved to that choice.
When you are surrounded by family and friends that don’t understand your journey it is so easy to fall back onto your old habits. Eating fast food, having dessert everyday, not working out consistently….as my therapist put it..you allow yourself to come out of that box. And that my friends, is not good for my journey. He told me that being enslaved inside my box is a good thing, it is going to get me to my goals and I need to remember that! I have to stop allowing situations to affect my journey because they are interfering with my goals. I chose to put myself in that box and I need to keep myself in that box.
This was our topic last week because after allowing myself to eat out for my birthday and have some cake…I had a major meltdown. Having a slice of cake wasn’t the problem. The problem was that one day of celebration should have been that..just one day. I did send the cake home with my brother, but then the next day I ate two cookies, and the next day 4 cookies. And I found myself on Tuesday morning in a horrible mood. As I was running my last set of bleachers I was angry at myself…angry that I had allowed myself to get to this place where I have to run bleachers, where I have to work so hard to lose weight. I was exhausted because we were at the end of the session and it took every piece of me to get up those stairs and the tears were just coming. My trainer was so proud of me because she said she pushed me really hard…but I didn’t feel proud at all. I told her I was having a moment and I had to pull it together. I left my training session and went straight to my therapy session and there I let the tears flow. I keep looking at this lifestyle as a punishment…like its so sad I cant have cake every night, and its so sad I cant eat fast food everyday. But my therapist quickly helped me realize that I have it all wrong. Choosing to voluntarily enslave myself to this lifestyle is a good thing. Choosing to become healthy now is something I will forever be grateful for. It really just comes down to perspective. And it is time I start seeing this journey for all the good it is doing.